I've never been a good artist...

Ok. I think I'm ready to tell y'all what happened...

Ok, so after Chris took me to Anne's the night after the night at ER:

The three of us (Chris, Anne, and myself) decided I might be better off in rehab (no no no ;) ) where they could help me detox and I wouldn't hurt so bad. Chris had the answering service call shudde and Anne talked to him and he agreed. We drove to Acadia. I just want to mention that throughout this whole ordeal (from may 6th on) every time I was hurting I would close my eyes and count the seconds (sound familiar, Bella swan). So we get to Acadia and nobody can get my blood pressure, I wanted to shove that blood pressure cuff down someone's throat! Finally I talked to a counsler, then to the doctor and everything took FOREVER! Anne told me to get used to it because they don't of anything in your time but their time. That could not be closer to the truth! I finally get admitted and I slept for the first 2 and a half days. So rewind a little... for those of you who have never been there or toured the facility I will drawn a picture and post it so you can see what i'm talking about when I describe my location during this. Centrally located is the nursing station and forming a square around that is 4 "pods" and each pod has 2 bathrooms and 4 bedrooms (except B pod, they only have 1 bathroom because the other one has the washer and dryer, and yes, you had to do your own clothes, no sending home with family members to wash, and they also had the case workers office). Well, the only bed available for me was in D pod (which is also the lockdown pod, I think had I not started here I would not have been so freaked out but it is what it is). Well, I get in there and the first person I "meet" I have known all my life....that's right, a girl I used to play with as a child was in there...and she had been there for like a month. The second person I meet ends up being someone who helped me get through the day. Ok so girl I've know forever we will call TM and the other one we will call ET. So, i'm stuck in this damn pod and the only way out is by knocking on the door and hoping someone lets me out. The reason the pod was locked in the first place is because TM was fighting with people....yeah.....So, night three I cant sleep, probably because I slept so much the first 2 days but mostly because the bed is not comfy at all. So we are hanging out when one of the tech's asks ET if she would like to move and she said no, let Andrea move because my roommate is fine and Andrea's bed sucks. So I move to C pod...Freedom atlast...kinda. So (this is day 4 btw) and I get moved and my poor old roomy A (I don't know her last name) gets stuck with "Sex in the City", I kid you not, that's what we nicknamed her. She came in yelling at the people that brought her in "Bitch, get your hands off me, i'm a celebrity! I was on Sex in the City!", yeah, she's crazy. She came in wearing little bitty shorts and a crop top so they made her wear a hospital gown on top, then, she decided she wanted to wear A's chonies, so A came and asked me if I had extra and thanks to mr. Wilson I did. She also jumped on JT (an older man in a wheelchair) while he was in bed and started beating the crap out of him and he had to throw her off, and when they were having a smoke break went through everyone's room in D pod. By this point ET is regretting letting me move ;).  Then the next day we had gone to lunch and when we came back Sex in the City was wearing different clothes and I rmember thinking, "I don't rmember her calling her family for clothes" (it takes hours for them to get you your stuff (it took 8 hours for them to bring me my clothes)), and then I hear behind me "OH HELL NO!" Sex in the city had taking P's clothes. She had on P's bra, chonies, socks, shirt, pans, and shoes!! Once they got the clothes off sex in the city they offered them back to P but she said she just wanted her shoes back. Another time, she took a shower in B pod and came out naked. Then another time she tried to get into with me ( and yall need to understand that me in that place is a me that I didn't know existed. I had to not cry though I hurt constantly and missed my family and my freedom, I had to stay hard and strong, you have to play the game to make it through there!)  and that pissed off ET and JT so bad they had to leave groups before they slapped her, but that's ok, i'd of slapped her before she even had chance. She also got into with TA, and TA hadn't raised her voice the whole time we were there. In fact, she had pissed everyone off soooo much, we all went to group and when she walked in, we all left, and the counsler said in 7 years she has never seen that happen. What else happened? Oh, there was this girl there that was 18 so she had to be with the adults but she was VERY immature. She told people she had an 8 year old and that she was married. She couldn't keep her lies straight. Well, she decided to throw a fit, and it was the wrong day because they had been putting up with TM and sex in the city, they threw her happy ass in D pod! They gave her 3 ABT shots (Ativan, benedryl, thorazine, look it up) and she was still yelling and hitting windows! Then she passed out and we forgot about her for 2 days lol. It got to where for fun me and my "celly" J dragged chairs to the hallway to watch the action in D pod, lol, how sad. I stayed in that hell hole for a week. The first three days were great but after that I was ready to go. I signed myself in but I couldn't sign myself out because they could and would get a court order to keep you there longer, that's what happened TA and I asked the Dr. and he said yes, they would do that. That place scared me so much that when I got out I was scared someone from acadia would come to my house and tell me they made a mistake and drag my butt back. All in all it was a good expirence because it showed me how strong I am. I made it a week in hell with no family. I try not to think about what happened there or even being there. I decided to tell yall this because I want yall to know how strong and how weak I can be. Alright, I have laundry to do, see yall later.

Long time no see...

Where do I even begin? I went home from the hospital and I called my home health company of choice Hendrick Housecalls but they said that Dr. K specifically ordered Abilene Home Health. I thought I would give this a try. Well, first off the nurse that came out to see me is the owners son. I asked him about irrigation and he said he had never heard of anyone irrigating. What?! That  was the plan all along. He was kinda cocky and he mentioned this was his second job, his first job was construction. That made no sense me, I need to be your first job. The pain medicine that Dr. K gave me wasn't working and I got severely dehydrated because I wasn't taking care of myself. So after a week of hurting I finally called DR. K. I went to see him and he wanted me to get labs and a UA and he didn't give me any pain meds. By this point I had already cancelled the home health people because they weren't doing much. I had a sore on my bottom that Chris took real good care of and we knew how to change my bag. So that afternoon  a home health nurse (from Abilene Home Health) came out and she was awesome! If they had sent her to me the first time I would have never cancelled home health and might have had better things to say about that company. Anyways, she came over and took some labs and did a straight cath on me to see how much urine was staying my bladder, she also took a UA. My peepee was dark and there was only 30cc! What does that mean? A. I was severely dehydrated
B. My bladder was working fine, I wasn't holding on to extra urine.
So that evening I was in so much pain I thought I was gonna die! Anne brought over some stronger pain meds for me and a heating pad. Then the owner of Abilene home health showed up (Chris had called). I had a UTI  (no shit Sherlock), he brought me some antibiotics and I started to feel better. Well leave it to Walgreens to mess everything up. They were taking forever to fill my antibiotics, I started to hurt more, and I was almost out of pain meds. I started freaking out! I felt very anxious and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Chris called Dr. K and he told me to go to trauma. This is about 10am on Friday morning. I was supposed to have a CT scan of my bladder at noon but guess what, that didn't happen. At about 2pm they finally get me in a room, but it's with the fast track nurse (she is the trauma center nurse that takes care of uninsured people with colds). She looks at my chart and says "I don't want to be rude, and it's not that I don't want to take care of you but you need to be in a different area of trauma. I think you need more help than I can give." By this time not only can I not breathe but my chest is starting to hurt along with the rest of my body. So they move me to another area. About 5 I have a slue of visitors, family and hospital personnel. Finally Henry Robinson PA came to see me. He works trauma center and he is amazing! He ordered IV fluids and IV pain meds! He also realized that I had developed chest pain so he ordered a chest CT. Guess what, I had fluid around my heart. I say it like that because my mom and Chris always think I'm just having panic attacks but this time it was real. They did a sono of my heart and trauma and called Dr. Shudde. Yes Dr. Shudde, he may have missed my cancer but I think anyone would have. Nobody expects colon cancer in a 28-30 year old. So, they admit me to the hospital AGAIN. But it was worth it. Something about IV fluids just makes you feel better. Anyways. While I'm in the hospital they do an ECHO (a closer sono of around my heart) and I meet a cardiologist. He wants to biopsy the fluid around my heart. Ok so here is the tally so far: incisions on my stomach, incisions on my ass, an open wound on my butt, a UTI, sever pain and now he wants to biopsy the fluid around my heart! Thank Jesus the cardiologist said I had a few days to think about it. Dr. Shudde came to see me the next day and I expressed my concerns and he convinced the cardiologist to just let me wait and do another echo in three months. Whew! Dodged a bullet there. Oh by the way, I'm also supposed to get a sleep study because I have signs of sleep apnea, but that was pushed to the side too! So while I'm in the hospital I get my bladder CT everything looked fine but I had a seroma (a collection of fluid) near my bladder. Must be where all the pain is coming from. So what did Dr. K say about it.....Nothing! He was ready to send me home. At this point I am getting 2mg of Dilaudid every 2 hours, I need it every hour and a half but I cant have it that quickly. My Nurse that day was awesome! She stood up to Dr. K for me letting him know how bad I was hurting. So, Dr. K is a no go for pain meds. Dr. Shudde comes in and we get started on morphine pills which help a lot but they don't take the pain all the way away but it was more pain relief than I've had in awhile. I go home (Wednesday). So I'm taking 30mg of morphine 3 times a day and I can have 15mg in between. So this goes on for weeks.......Then I decide, I need to get off this medicine because my body is now addicted to it and I need to see how much I;m hurting without it. (I knew my body was addicted because I went 24 hours without the 15mg pill and I started having withdrawal symptoms.) So I go see Dr. Shudde, this is Thursday October 3rd. He puts me on a step down.. I went from 120mg of morphine a day to 45mg of morphine a day. The next day I was hurting! I begged Chris to take me to trauma but he wouldn't. Finally I called my mother in law Anne who knows about addiction first had and she took me to trauma. I got there about 2:30, they let me stay in the family room so I can lie down. I didn't get back to a room til 10:00. I seriously thought I was dying! A few years ago my cousin Rachel died in ICU and a bunch of her female family members were around her to watch her go, myself included. Well.....a bunch of my female family members decided to visit me in trauma, I thought "oh no, I'm going to meet my maker!" Finally they start some IV fluids and give me a pill to relax and IV Phenergan for nausea. I get about 2 hours of sleep. When I I wake up its time to take one of my morphine pills. The trauma center Dr. says its ok so Chris gives me one. About 15 minutes go and the nurse is discharging me (yes i'm clearly detoxing and people die detoxing but they are discharging me) and I start to freak out! I'm freaking out because she is discharging me and my medicine is messing with my mind and body. It takes all I have to keep my shit together while Chris is driving home, we get there and I pass out. Sophie is at Anne's and is Isreal is at my mom's. The next day I wake up and I'm ok for alittle while but then I start freaking out again. This Freaking out feeling feels like every cell in my body wants to explode, I feel like I need to run but my body says stop and stay still. It is the worse feeling in the world and I never want to feel that way ever again, it was horrible. Its a very confusing and painful thing to go through. So the plan for the day is to get to Anne's house so she can take care of me while I detox and the kids don't have to see me. We get that arranged and the kids don't see me and I get better. There is some stuff that happens between Anne's house and me being better that I'm not ready to talk about. I promise when I am ready to talk about it, I'll let you know. I'm better now. I'm on quite a bit of pills (all of them non-narcotic) to help with the pain I still have in my bottom. I'm seeing a therapist for  my body image issues I'm having from my bag. The kids are good, Chris is wonderful, and I'm feeling much better. I am on chemo again 2 weeks on, 1 week off x 4 times, I should be done around January 4. I went the other day to see a geneticists and my DNA lab results will be back in 2 months, and I'll let you know the results of that. I got to see my Daddy Onger which always makes a for a good day! I'm ok, and I'm gonna be ok. Someday I'll be great again but it's gonna take awhile. This whole journey has been an big serving of humble pie because about the time I got diagnosed I was getting very cocky. Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me along the way, you  know who you are. Let me see what else....oh I start work on Monday and it's October so GET YOUR MAMMOS Ladies! Over 40 yearly unless there is a history of breast cancer, the general rule is 10 years before the diagnosis of a parent. Alright kids, see you later!

Sorry it's taken me do long to update, I've been on pain meds and  if I'm not walking I'm sleeping.ok do far:

Friday: I started walking and was able to get a clear liquid diet. That's it for Friday.

Saturday: I started a full liquid diet and cream of wheat never tasted so good. He took away my pain pump :( and yesterday I still needed it but oh we'll.

Today: I've been passing gas a lot the last 2 days but its stopped right now, I haven't popped yet. The kids have come to see me but never stay long, they get bored. I started real food today, it was awesome. My only issues are: foley, it's still in and it hurts at times. My JP drains that attached to my butt, makes it hard up get comfy. But that's it. I'm not a good writer today cause  just giving y'all the basics cause I don't feel that great still. Alright, talk to y'all layer.

Surgery update

Ok so yesterday I arrived for surgery. We got here at 8:18 and I was called back pretty quick. First just Chris came with me, then my mom showed up later. My friend Melissa showed up too, you are only allowed 2 visitors in preop but since everyone in OR knows her they let her stay. Then there was my mom and dad, then Anne and Kaylee and my brother. They all kept me entertained through the paperwork, IV, lab work process. Then the CRNA gave me some versed before going into surgery and apparently I told Chris "what if the zombies come while I'm under and I wake up like to rick in walking dead" or something to that affect. I remember them wheeling me down the hallway and I said I can tell we are close because the temp just dropped 10 degrees, I remember the nurse giving me warm blankets and Dr Carter tell me take deep breaths of the gas. The next thing I remember is waking up hurting in post op and the male nurse giving me dilaudid and me pushing my pain pump. I remember going to my room and having them to pull me over (I'm not even sure scooting was in option lol but I remember saying I could do it but it probably wasn't a good idea). I remember telling my family to hush cause I was trying to sleep. I remember getting onto Zeke for not hushing it. I remember falling into deep sleeps and stopping breathing but making myself breath again so thru connected me to a pulse ox and lowered my pain pump dose. Not too long after that I started to finally become more lucid. I'm awake right now because my anesthesia has wore off so  I'm awake. I'm hurting too.  I'm ready for them to up my dose again. And that's about it. For me I feel like the worse part is over, the scariest part for me is over and it's time to start rebuilding. Apparently Dr Kendrick knows me well because he has already told all of my family and nursing staff to make sure I take it easy. I might get to sit in a chair today but I probably won't get to walk :(.  Anything the who, I'll  keep y'all posted. Pain meds starting to kick in....

So far Phoenix is in the lead. Most ostomates name their stomas. I'm naming mine so that if I'm in a procedure I can say "oh, I have go deal with...." And only my coworkers will know what I mean. Or if someone tries to feed me something unlike but can't eat I can be like "oh I love those but .... Doesn't"

So here's the latest: I'm on a clear liquid diet, dummy me ordered a sprite yesterday knowing my boeks were moving slow so I went to bed kind bloated but I'm feeling better now. Chris stayed with me the first night and Kaylee is asleep next to me now. At one point tonight my blood pressure was like 85/46 and so the nurse came in and checked it manually and I was 94/50 something, I was out of fluids so once they gave me more fluids it was better. Yesterday Kendrick said I can sit in the chair but only 3 times a day and only for 15 minutes. He said depending on how I do I might be able to walk today. Let me tell you, it's slot harder than it looks!!!! I have to keep telling myself if old people can do it I can do it! They are giving me some medicine that firms poop and once I can poop and pass gas through my stoma he'll let me eat. I will be here no less than 5 days. The foley will stay in for 5 days. Anyhow, that's the latest. I'll talk to y'all later.

Name game

In anticipation of my stoma's arrival tomorrow, I decided I would like to name her before she got here. Her are some of the names I like so far:

1. Bradley (after my doctor who has and will cause me pain but who has saved my life)

2. Scarlett (a healthy stoma should look bright red, plus I look great with bright red lipstick)

3. Phoenix (because I have risen from the ashes)

4. Fay (means fairy and I like fairies)

Those are my options. What do you think. Text me what name you like best or if you have any other suggestions 325-280-5558

Check out spider creations on etsy

Today was a good day

I know I haven't blogged in agile but it was well worth the wait, I promise. 

1. I have a list of 8 people who are donating PTO to me so I will get paid for 4 weeks while I'm off! Thank you Quade, Deeann, Nancy, Linda, Rick, Susan and Cindy!

2. I received this beautiful blanket from Cindy to take with me to the hospital! And it came with a lovely bag! Look her up on etsy, I'll have to get y'all the name of her store!

3. I met a patient whose husband is a celebrity in the ostomy support group who was very kind in showing me his bag and telling what to expect. He's retired navy so I may have to get him together with my FIL Chuck. 

I'll post pictures later, what a good day!

Oh and Dr A brought chocolate!

Not much going on

Seriously, I have nothing interesting to report. Israel has been doing football conditioning (well, not this week, I've needed Noah's ark to get around town with all the rain!) Sophie will start gymnastics Aug 5th. That's about it.My energy is almost back to normal, I had to take Wednesday off to rest. The only real problem left is pooping! It still hurts. I tried to lube my bum before I went today and it was worthless. Oh well.  I wish I had something sassy to say but it's Friday so I'm wore out! I want to give a huge shout out to DeeAnn Davis and Nancy Lyons for donating some PTO to me while I'm off! I am very blessed! 

I know it's been awhile but its worth the wait....

So today I went to see Dr Kendrick and he said the tumor responded well to chemo and XRT! He said it shrunk quite a bit but I will have to have a colostomy and no it's not reversible. I went to see Dr Vega today also and he said treatment depends on the surgery. If he doesn't get clear margins then I may have to do more chemo plus IV chemo and XRT, if he does get clear margins he wants me to still do pill chemo, which is fine because pill chemo was a breeze. Chris went with me to my appts today, he was picking on me because I'm so vain. I was asking Dr K all kinds of questions about how my body is going to look. Which reminds me, I'm growing my hair back out, and since I won't see much of society for eight weeks that should be fine. I almost forgot to tell you my surgery will be August 14. I will miss Sophie's first day of school but Chris reminded me that he missed Israel's so I guess it balances out. I suppose that's it for now. Football conditioning starts next week so you'll probably hear more from me on that. Talk to y'all later!

1 step forward and 2 steps back

That's how I feel sometimes. Yesterday I felt great and worked til 3, today I came home at 11 because I was so tired (I'm sure some of it is 'cause Mr Wilson doped me up with Benadryl). I was also a bit constipated today :( but I ate some watermelon and that did the trick. Those last 3 treatments of chemo were booster which means it was a more concentrated dose and it peeks in 7-10s which day 7 was yesterday. Let's just hope I get over this period soon, part of my bum is much better but the parts I need to be better are taking their sweet time. And now as I'm blogging to y'all I have diarrhea! This is just great! I gotta go, talk to y'all later!

Thank you Paula Deen

Now that I'm feeling alittle better (my bum still hurts) I can get to blogging about stuff I always wanted to blog about. Today we are talking about Paula Deen. It's bad enough that when something happens the news crews always find the rednecks with no teeth to talk to them but NOW Ms Deen is making it look like we are still a bunch of racist down here! I know there are still alot of racist in the south but that by no means makes it ok! In this day in age the N word should never be an issue! I also have issues when colored folks say it to each other! And let me tell you, I have heard some of the little boys at football say and I told them I WOULD wash their mouths with soap. It's not that hard to respect one other folks. You dont know what anyone else on this earth has gone through until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That's it, I'll get off my high horse, mostly because my children are getting restless and are up my already achy butt! Talk to y'all later!

Certificate of completion

I am Titanium

Today was my last day of chemo and radiation! Yey! I learned a lot in XRT and I will be going back to learn about breast cases to educate the patients in my department but that's a whole other story. I feel like I need address why I decided to stay in Abilene for care. I opened a can of worms this morning on facebook that I don't even have the energy to talk about. Here is my list, in no particular order:

1. I have worked at Hendrick Medical Center for 10 years. I have made several friendships and more importantly connections. I got to hand pick my cancer team. How many people can say that? I love the doctors, nurses, and ancillary staff that I have worked with and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Plus, because of my connections I had a plan of action within 5 days, and started treatment in alittle over a week.
2. I am a nurse navigator for a breast cancer clinic. What does that mean? I guide patients through the cancer process. I am with them for their biopsy and I am there for them when they get their diagnosis. How hypocritical would it have been of me to ask patients to stay in Abilene then leave for care somewhere else? I wouldn't do that to them.
3. All doctors went to med school! Just because they work in Abilene doesn't mean they couldn't cut it at a bigger hospital, they came here because this is home to them.
4. I was able to work during treatment. I was able to live a normal life. I could take my kids to school. I could come home and make dinner (some nights). I was able to be in MY bed instead of a hotel room bed or hospital bed. Also, if I didn't fee like working I would come home and lie around naked, can't do that somewhere else and feel comfortable.
5. Back to the navigator thing, patients that DO leave Abilene, I see how long it takes them to start their care, and it's not days like I had, it's WEEKS. Today when I was in XRT, Dr. Singh said her and 2 of the girls went for a site visit to a bigger hospital in the metroplex and their turn around time (time from patient needing something done til the time it gets done) was a week! At Hendrick its hours to days (depending on what needs to be done).

So, I know y'all want the best for me, and trust me, I know as well as my cancer team knows that MD Anderson is the mecca of cancer, but I am in wonderful hands here. If I needed something this weekend I could call any of my physicians on their cell phones! Alright y'all, I'll get off my high horse! LOL. Talk to y'all later.

How I feel sometimes....

A keychain bought Chris from Kalyn's Blingin Beauties

Today was Doctor Day...

I have 2 days left now, I can't wait to be done, my booty itches!!! I stop chemo and radiation on Wednesday but the radiation effects will last for 2 weeks. That's about it, nothing too knew around here. Shout out to my cousin Eve for the "essentials" she sent, one of which paid for dinner tonight! Alright, talk to y'all later!

I've never really had a problem with Mondays...

I mean, I try to treat everyday of the week the same, ofcourse Saturday and Sunday are treated special... The point of this meaningless conversation is that I'm starting to hate Mondays. I had the worse UTI today, it started last night but was horrible today. I called in  to work because I couldn't walk after I peed. The lovely folks at XRT got me in early today so I could get some relief! I had to pee in a cup twice because there wasn't enough pee, they do things strange now with the UAs, they get drawn out of the cup like a blood sample. Dr S gave me 1000mg cipro out if her purse! Lol. They called in a prescription for me of cipro, silvadine (for my butt) and hydrocodone in case I need it. Dianna from XRT called me this afternoon to tell me I indeed had an infection and my WBCs were 32 (normal is 3.5-10.5). It's miserable. On a happier note: Laura and Mindy brought us fazolis for dinner, thank you ladies so much!!!! That's about it. I'm going to take an oatmeal bath and call it a night. I'll talk to y'all later!

Thanks to the women at Texas Tech Family Health Science Center for raising over $300 to help with my medical bills! You ladies rock!

I meant to blog yesterday but got busy...

So yesterday I saw Dr Vega, all my labs are good. He mentioned that yesterday was 14/25 (I hadn't had XRT yet) and I said I thought I was getting 30. He me to check with XRT, so I did, I only get 25 treatments not 30! Today marks the count down 10.... I also talked to Lisa at Dr Kendrick's office and she explained that I'll see him 2 weeks after I've stopped treatment and the surgery will be 6 weeks after that, so we are looking at mid August, which is wonderful because Chris has a week off in late August. I finally stopped bleeding like a stuck pig. Hey, I just thought of something, how was Edward around Bella when she was on her period? Food for thought there. Anyways, I'll talk to y'all later, I'm at work not working.

Just another manic Monday.....

Hello, haven't talked to ya'll in awhile. Let's see... I started my period yesterday, it was the first one in 4 years since I had a mirena. My bed looked like a murder scene. I now wish I had my mirena back, this stuff is gross. I'm still having bladder irritation on the weekends, the cranberry juice and AZO help. My butt itches like crazy! Chris and I were looking at different message boards to see what helped. It appears it's gonna be a trial and error process. Chris bought me a donut ring to sit on at work. Speaking of which, I came home early today because I was exhausted! I would normally be fine but this period is kicking my butt. Chris is off today so here in a minute we are going to get Sophie (Isreal is home) and go get ice cream, and pizza for dinner. Nothing solves period's problems better than that!! I guess that's it for today. I forgot to ask about my labs but I'm still craving meat so I'm sure they're low. Ok. gotta go, Chris is shoving me out the house. Talk to y'all later!

I got good news and bad news (but it's not that bad)

Today was picture day at XRT. That's it for that, lol. I called my insurance to see how much the surgery is gonna cost, that was great news, it's not going to be some outrageous amount!! I called the financial assistance deparment and we got a discount on how much we owe but it doesnt really matter because we have to reach "X" amount and then insurance pays 100%. That's the good news. The bad news is I called Dr. D today (he's a plastic surgeon) to see if I could get a tummy tuck while I'm having colon surgery and they said no :(. I knew they would but it was worth a try. I'm just lazy. That's about it for the day. I told you, boring. I'll talk to ya'll later.

Day 10

I couldn't help myself, this is funny!! We are 1/3 of the way through!!

Hopefully this will help y'all understand why I need a colostomy bag

Back in the Saddle

I don't suppose people up north use the saying... Anyways, today was chemo and radiation after a much needed 3 day weekend. I went ahead and used the Azo this weekend for bladder pain, it never hurt when I peed which is good. Today was doctor day so I told Dr. S, she told me to just stock up on cranberry juice, if it starts burning when I pee they will do a UA and give me antibiotics as needed. I also thought I had a yeast infection so I bought some muffin mix ***For a funny story read below. Dr. S wondered if I had diarrhea, I told her no and I told her about the swish and swallow and she said that will help against the diarrhea. My bottom is starting to feel burnt though so i'll be using some diaper rash cream tonight. Tomorrow is lab day, and Thursday is picture day. The labs and pictures don't go into the hospital system so I wont be able to tell you about those til Monday on doctor day again. Chris is off next week (YES!), so that works out for the whole family. I have a doctor's appt on Tuesday. Shout out to my mommy who made enchiladas and rice for us. Jessica, the kids swallowed the lasagna whole. Y'all know how I feel about asking for help but after talking to MJ today that helped. I realize that people helping is how they don't feel so helpless, that was so redundant. Also, my hero KE, had people make meals for her for a month so if she needs help and she's superwoman then I can accept help too. Aside from that, everything is good. I am getting bored going to XRT everyday. I ran into my big boss today and he looked sad, so that hurt too. And let me tell you, I wish I could tell you the crap I deal with on a daily basis, I know I keep saying that but it's true. Cancer is easy, it's the wackodoodles out there walking around that scare me. LOL. Talk to yall later!


If you're having to read this blog a second time, that's my fault, I forgot the funny story:

A long time ago I called my mom and told her I thought I had a yeast infection (I'm one of those lucky women very prone to those) so I asked my mom to pick up some medicine for me because I was a single mom working 12 hour shifts at the time. I told her it was so bad I thought when I pulled my pants down there was gonna be some raspberry muffins waiting for me, so she asked if I needed muffin mix. So that's what we call yeast infection medicine: Muffin mix. So if I ever ask you if you need muffin mix, I'm not asking you to bake for me ! lol!!!

So true! Thanks Candi!!!

This is starting to get old....

I have now figured out the waking up in the middle of the night (as much as I'd like to blame Chris) is from the Xeloda, it's a side effect. I might try some melatonin on Monday night. At least we have Netflix, tons of shows to keep me occupied.  I talk to the XRT nurse yesterday about my bladder issues, she said if I start having burning or pain with peeing to pick up some Azo (it's over the counter stuff for UTI) to hold me til I see Dr. S on Tuesday. I couldn't get my labs off the computer but Dianna told me they were all normal. I picked up my swish and swallow yesterday, it has lidocaine, hydrocortisone, and nystatin, IT IS NASTY!! It makes my whole mouth numb, so that might be for when my mouth really hurts, because most of the time I don't even notice it. Those who know me really well know that I hate asking for help. It's not that I believe asking for help is weakness or anything like that, I just hate to inconvenience people. I mean, how many people say "Call if you need anything", George Carlin has a whole skit on it you should really look it up for a good laugh. RIP George. Another thing is I hate asking for help now only 2 weeks into treatment because it's only going to get way worse. Anyways, I'm still not asking for help now, but you know. lol. I don't know what I am asking for, I would just be rambling cause I was awake at 4 this morning. Shout out to what will hopefully one day be my sister in law Jessica, she is making me her wonderful lasagna so I don't have to cook one day this week! Whoop whoop. I'm so glad it's a 3 day weekend so Chris is on cooking duty for 3 days! Talk to Yall later!

I just thought about something else...

I hate chemo brain, I cant remember crap as it is. So, I looked up diet for mouth sores:
1. No spicy food (There went 50% of my diet)
2. No hard chips (well, you took away my salsa....I guess I didn't need those chips)
3. No acidy fruits (There went ALL of my favorite fruits)
4. Warm liquids, cold could irritate gums, hot could burn gums
5. Water (yuk)
6. Eat soft foods
7. Limit sweets (There went all the soft foods worth eating)

So lets break it down: I can have warm water with bread, maybe mashed potatoes. This really bites. Actually it doesn't bite, it more like gums lol.

So much for boring treatment....

Well, yesterday when I got home I had to pee like super bad, and I hadn't been holding it for awhile, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Then it happened again an hour later....I already knew it had to be related to the radiation therapy. Fast forward a few hours: I fell asleep at 8:30, I was TIRED. At 11:30 Mr. Wilson thought it was a great idea to come to bed and watch Sons of Anarchy and play on his phone. He turned the TV at 12:30, I didn't fall back asleep til 1am. Sometime during that hour and half I realize my right lower canine is hurting......crap....I have a mouth sore, a side effect of the chemo. Sophie woke up at 3:30 (yes she sleeps with us, what of it?), she peed her chonies, luckily it didn't get on the bed. I didn't fall back to sleep for awhile, I don't know how long I was asleep but I couldn't get comfortable and my mouth hurt, I would have gotten up to take Tylenol but we don't have any! We have 1000 bottles of Ibuprofen but that's can cause blood to thin and I don't know what my blood counts are doing. Speaking of which, I went to look at my labs today and they weren't available on my computer, they must of gone straight to Dr. S.  I wake up at the usual time (drained of course) and go about my morning. I don't have that sense of urgency in my bladder anymore but I am peeing more frequently. My mouth is still hurting so I call and leave a message for Dr. Vega's nurse, of course she doesn't return calls til after 4 so I decide to put it out of my mind for the most part. Fast forward to the afternoon, I meant to ask Dr. S about my bladder issues but by this point it's not bothering me that much. About an hour later I'm talking to Chris and I think, "I have to pee, I'll go in a minute". When I got off the phone I forgot I needed to pee. I'm about to leave work so I go pee because I've Pavlov dogged myself into needing to pee before I leave work (interesting side note, if you don't know who Pavlov and his dog are you need to look it up, good part of psychology)....my chonies are wet. WTF!!!! Oh, I'm only on day 7, and I'm falling apart. It could be worse, I could have diarrhea. I had looked at a study this morning that said radiation therapy to the pelvic area causes bladder volume to decrease by 58% by the end of  six weeks of radiation therapy, so I'm sure that's part of it. Tomorrow Dr. S is off and Monday is doctor day. I need to remember to ask Dr. S to send me to the pelvic floor therapist. I know my bladder sphincter as well as my rectal sphincter are holding on for dear life! I'm working on my kegels. Back to the other side of my digestive system, Dr. Vega's nurse called me in some swish and swallow (Dr. Hirsch's own mix) for my mouth, I have to get it at McCoy's tomorrow because they close at 6 and she didn't call it in til after 5 and after 5 my second job (mom) starts. So that's my day today. I keep thinking 23 more days...Hopefully the weekends will give my body time to recuperate and I get a 3 day weekend this week.. whoop whoop..... Talk to yall later!

Treatment is so boring

I feel asleep on the XRT table today, I was so sleepy. It was a nice little 5 minute nap. If Mondays are Doctor days, Wednesdays are lab days. I just had a blood count drawn today. Last week I have blood counts and electrolytes drawn. One of my white blood cell counts was low but from what I learned from the oncology floor it wasn't one the important ones. My sodium was low last week, imagine that....let's count the signs of low sodium together:
1. low blood pressure
2. I crave salt constantly
3. I'm kind of crazy (low sodium does that lol)
The cause is probably the colon prep I had last week and all the potassium I ingest with bananas and multivitamins didn't help. That's about it today, I'll let you know my lab results tomorrow. Shout out to Callie D and Kim for the chilli's giftcard, Shout out ahead of time to my mom who is watching my kids while Chris and I go to dinner, lol j/k. Talk to y'all later.

Chemo day 6 but techinally day 4?

I give up trying to figure out what chemo day I'm on since I don't do chemo and XRT on the weekends. So today is Monday and Mondays are doctor day at XRT so I got to see Dr. S. She just assessed my symptoms, I don't have any, so that part went quick. Then she asked it Dr. K had told me about the colostomy situation, which he did. Apparently, he had known since my colonoscopy but didn't want to say anything cause he didn't think I would remember, he wanted Dr. S to tell me but she didn't want to be the bad guys, he was gonna tell me last Monday but I was busy with test, He was gonna tell me on Tuesday but got called into OR, so that's why he told me on Thursday. After XRT I went to go see Dr. A. I think he is taking all this hard too. He looked like he was gonna cry when he told me that he saw Dr. K this am and that the colostomy is very realistic. I'm over it but once again I forget most time this is their first time hearing it. Which reminds me, Dr. S is gonna have one of the CEO's of Hendrick call me because he has a colostomy so he can answer and questions I might have. I told her that I have a great support system and I'm part of an online group of people with colostomies but these old folks don't understand connecting with people online. You know, I actually have more drama outside of cancer than cancer is causing. That must be why I can handle it, this shit is nothing, you should see what I deal with on a daily basis. lol. Anyways, thanks Kaylee for the fazoli's for dinner tonight, thanks Amy Allyn for the frozen meals for when I don't feel like cooking. I mostly blog my thank you's so I remember who to send notes to later. Alright kids, I'm tired and I'm missing dancing with the stars. Talk to y'all later.

Chemo Day 3

I am so sorry I didn't post yesterday, I got bad news and needed to process before I talked to yall. I went to see Dr. Kendrick and he said that the tumor is right on my sphincter muscle and I will have to have a colostomy! I went back to the office and Dr. A told me that was worse case scenario because who knows what the tumor will look like when I'm done with chemo and radiation. I've already mentally prepared myself for needing one. At least this way if I need one I'm not shocked and if I don't need one great. One of my good friends is the wound care/ ostomy nurse at the hospital I work at I have learned so much from her over the years so that helps. I called her today and we talked about irrigation, that's where you train your bowels to just drain at a certain time daily or every other day when ever you want to empty it. If I could do that I wouldn't have to wear a bag everyday, I would just cover my stoma just in case. They make all kinds of neat things for stoma users now days. I even saw a cute tattoo that a girl put around hers on Pinterest. Chris is okay with it. I Think he just doesn't want to raise these little turds (lol) by himself so whatever keeps me alive is fine by him. I haven't really had any effects from the chemo and radiation, I did fall asleep for an hour earlier cause I was dog tired. I might just post if anything happens from here on out because I'm hoping for a boring treatment. My next doctor's appt is June 5th. Speaking of doctor's I need to make a correction, Dr. Wiginton said he read my CT Scan on Monday. Alright kids, I'll let ya'll know if anything else happens.

Nurse's week was last week but I was too busy to celebrate so we did it today... That's what I say everytime I open the door....

Chemo Day 1

I was going to count the cancer days but now we'll just count the chemo days. In oncology you track the chemo days because 7-14 are usually the worse. These are the days that the chemo really gets into your system and gets to work. I shouldn't experience too many problems since I'm only taking a pill and I only take it Monday- Friday. I started XRT today too, it wasn't bad. I just hate having to lie completely still, that's kind of a pain. I'm ready so happy to be getting back into a routine. I came home and cleaned and cooked dinner tonight. Chris didn't get home til 7 but that's ok cause I had it under control. While I have a moment I want to tell y'all what a wonderful husband I have. He is sweet to me when I need it and then follows it with a funny comment so we don't get too serious. He can joke with me about my cancer which is awesome. He has been the biggest help these last 2 weeks. The only thing that would make all this better is if Fuji's was back open because I'm still craving their chicken and rice that I didn't get last week. Tomorrow I have an appt with Dr. Kendrick but not until after my long awaited nurse's week lunch with the best coworkers on the planet!

People think I'm joking when I say I don't have time for cancer....

I am exhausted

I don't even know to begin with my day today, I had to write notes to remember what to blog today. Well, first, I'm still fighting with the pharmacy and insurance to get my chemo. This lasts for several hours, the pharmacy was blaming insurance and vice versa, it was maddening. Apparently, I found out from the XRT nurse, my old coworker DF, that this happens a lot, does no one see the problem here!  My medication should be ready for pick up at 10:30 am, I wont be completely happy until it's in my hand. I went to XRT today to do a "dry run" for tomorrow so we know exactly where we will radiate. I had a baseline chest x-ray today and a baseline labs. Oh, I lost my wallet, called labs, called XRT, it was in my office the whole time! I am seriously losing it. I do have a funny story from today...So I'm on hold with the lady from the insurance, she finally comes back to talk to me and when we were about to hang up she says, "I can only imagine what you are going through, I know this doesn't compare but my dog was diagnosed with bladder cancer last week"   WTF....did that seriously just happen?! Yeah it did. What a psycho. When I was texting Chris I couldn't help but laugh because it was so STUPID! That's about it, it felt my tiring than it sounds on paper. Y'all pray that they have my chemo tomorrow, I'm going to try to get it at lunch, if I don't get it I have to postpone radiation another day :( I'll blog again tomorrow... PS Shout out to the Nurses at Texas Tech Family Health Clinic they want to have a garage to help me pay for medical expenses! That is greatly appreciated and I cant thank y'all enough!  

See how tired I am, I basically said tr same thing twice!!

Here is a pic of the XRT machine

You want me to pay how much?

So, when I was looking through the fun stuff that Dr. Vega gave me (see below) I found a card for financial assistance from the drug company. I called the number on the card and got it activated, the drug company will pay 80% of the copay up to $24,000! YEY! So I call Walgreen's to how much the copay will be and they tell me they need a pre auth before they can tell me how much it is, I said how much is it without insurance...all I heard was $7000 I don't even know what the last 3 numbers of that quote were because I was stopped at the thousand part. The lady then tells me to call my insurance company. The insurance lady was wonderful, she gave me a number for the pharmacy to call and that would get it resolved. So NOW, I call the pharmacy and  a much nicer lady answers the phone. She explained to me that my medicine is on the high priority list and they are already working to get this issue resolved. I explained to her that ideally we would like to start chemo on Wednesday. She gave me her name and told me to call back tomorrow at 11am and she would see what the progress was. At this point I call my sister in law because she doesn't know how to read ;) and I tell her what is going on, she explained that with medications that expensive the doctor just has to prove that that medicine is needed. WTF is wrong with insurance companies!! Of course I need it, dummies!! I swear as much as Chris and I pay for insurance all this shit should be free!! Anyways, I'll let y'all know how that goes....

Fun stuff from Dr Vega's Office

So I have Stage II rectal cancer that is very curable!!

Day 5:

I had a CT Scan this morning (Thanks Tony at Hendrick Imaging Center) and it showed no lymph node involvement! YEY! Dr. Dumas (Radiologist) mentioned some lymph nodes in the abdomen but no one is worried about those and even if they were a problem the chemo will take care of it. I met with Dr. Vega today and we are going to do pill chemo. I will start that and radiation(XRT) on Wednesday. The chemo I will take twice a day M-F and radiation will be daily M-F. Dr. Vega will be my main doctor for now and he said for 5 years after the cancer is gone. He will evaluate me at 3 weeks then again at 6 weeks to determine when we will do surgery. I need to get baseline labs and a chest Xray tomorrow. I went to radiation therapy this afternoon and got my tattoo, I'll post a pic of that later cause right now it's covered up with stuff for radiation therapy. Today at XRT was simulation which means I got on the table and got comfortable because every time I do XRT I will be in that position. Dr Singh was also able to evaluate where my vital organs were in that area to make sure nothing's getting radiation that doesn't need it. Unfortunately (Stop reading if you are squeamish) but my anus will get radiated so my asshole maybe sore about 2 weeks into this :(. Tomorrow we do trial run at XRT, then I pick up my chemo from Walgreen's and start everything Wednesday. I have an appt with Dr. Kendrick on Thursday. He wont tell me anything new but I might as well throw him a bone since he will be doing my surgery. That's about it for today.

Possible Side Effects:
Chemo:
*nausea/ vomiting (he gave me Compazine)
*fatigue
*Hand and Foot syndrome (Where my hands and feet get dry, they gave me some utter cream and they said the lotion "Working hands" at Bath & Body is good. They said to just moisture every time I wash my hands)
*I am NOT expected to lose my hair

Radiation:
*Diarrhea
*Bladder irritation (Which Dr. Singh didn't think would be a problem)
*Skin irritation at my anus

That's about it. I will blog again when something interesting actually happens. See y'all later.

Better pic of the new 'do

I thought about naming it but I didn't want to get attached...

Sounds about right

What a boring day...

Day 3:
I went to the salon today, I felt worse for my hair dresser than I did for myself. Yall don't know how much work he put into my hair last time to get those highlights looks so beautiful just so we can cover it up this time. He did such a good job with my color today. It's difficult to dye hair dark without making it look fake and he did a great job! I got a message yesterday that I didn't mention what kind of cancer on the blog yesterday: it's adenocarcinoma which is the most common for rectal cancer. I tried to fix my blog so you don't have to register to leave a comment so we'll see if that works. That's it for today, I probably wont post anything until Monday unless I get messages or comments of questions I need answered. See yall Monday.

New hairstyle courtesy of Steven at Pura Vida

Who knew so much was involved....

Day 2:
Today I went to work and it was business as usual. Of course everyone wanted to know the plan and wanted to look at the pictures ( I work with a bunch of freaks, lol). I meant to post the pictures but I forgot to take a picture of the pictures with my phone and I left them at work :(  Went to meet Dr. Singh today, she is really cool, kinda goofy. She is super smart and wants to make sure you know everything that is going on. In fact, she wants you to know so much, I found myself zoning out and had to refocus. It's moments like that that I wish I had a video recorder in my head so people can see what goes on. So, she did her exam, learned everything about me. Apparently she can't really know what to do til the CT results come in on Monday and she already told me she is going to call Dr. Bliznak (JB Jr) about 15 minutes into my procedure to see what's going on so she can figure out my treatment. I learned more about radiation therapy (XRT) than I ever wanted to know, EVER. There is tons of math involved (hint to the title of today's blog). So, Here is my schedule on Monday: 8am be at Hendrick Imaging Center (formally Abilene Imaging Center) for my CT scan at 9 am. They are only doing an abdomen/ pelvis because insurance wont pay for a chest CT (WTF). Then at 10:30 I have my appt with Dr. Vega to meet him as "a patient". I LOVE Dr. Vega! We worked together on the floor and his wife has an art studio near Ralph and DeeDee Z. I decided that if Dr. Vega didn't take me as a patient I would burn that bitch to the ground, luckily I can save my matches for the bathroom candles. ;) . I'm going to try to go to work after that and then on Monday afternoon I go for my XRT simulation. I think what is going to happen (once again I was zoning out) is that she will do another CT type thing to see where the cancer is in relation to the rest of my organs so she can safely give me my radiation. Connie the radiology tech that does this part will give me my XRT tattoo, she said it will be a small dot on top of my crack, I'm excited, I'm finally getting a tramp stamp, lol. Let me tell you though, the radiation people are just as crazy as I am so I'm going to have a lot of fun. ALOT of dirty jokes happened today, enough to almost make me blush. Oh, I also asked Dr. S about a mammogram but she said that is completely unrelated, I'm not so sure so I'll just ask Dr. Kapu for one, she won't care. What else happened today....Oh my pathology came it: When he did the biopsy he biopsied the tumor and another area that he thought was benign just to be on the safe side. The benign one is definitely benign. The tumor is well differiented which means it's low grade, which means, had this been caught sooner it might have just been a high risk lesion. That's about it. I'm going to fill out some paperwork so when I leave to go to treatments or doctor's appointments the hospital will still pay me, that's always a plus. If anyone has any questions feel free to just comment and I'll try to remember to answer in the blog after that.  I guess that's it. I'll post pics of my hair do tomorrow. Yall might regret asking for a blog because I'm long winded and at this moment quite bored...

I posted this just because I'm getting a haircut tomorrow... Bye bye blonde!

So what's the plan..?

Day 1 Continued:

I guess I better give yall my list of things that need to be done now.
First off, my kids know NOTHING of this, we just tell them what they need to know as we go along. My friend KE told her kids when she had breast cancer and I think she regrets that. They are better now but those first couple of days must of been hell. So if anyone is reading this and your kids know mine or you know my kids: everything is normal!

Ok, So I had an appt with Dr. Singh, she is a radiological oncologist, on Tuesday but my awesome boss got me an appt tomorrow. Dr. Singh also said she would happy to help a member of the radiology family (being a nurse has its perks sometimes). I have a CT scan on Monday to determine staging. The pathology report from my biopsy will be in tomorrow so we will know what kind of cancer we are dealing with.

BTW, this is so very surreal! I'm surprisingly not that bothered by it, I imagine it's my strange romantic sense of adventure that makes everyday of my life exciting for me, it's more of a bother than anything. I hiccup in an otherwise perfect existence. Oh well, this too shall pass, and after all I am southern so I'll handle it with grace and charm, and KICK IT'S ASS!

I thought I had hemorrhoids...

Day 1:
Where to begin? I guess I will begin at the beginning (that's usually how it goes) cause as my good friend CG pointed out, the more times you repeat yourself, the more years off your life, and if we're calling a spade a spade, I don't have many of those to spare, lol. Y'all probably didn't think that was funny, but I did.

I started having rectal bleeding and mucus from my bottom 2 years ago, I thought it was hemorrhoids. I told my PCP who did a rectal exam when he did my pap smear and he said he didn't feel anything. He gave me some guiac stool sample cards and told me to pray about it. BTW, this is about the 5th major issue/decision on my care that I made that he told me to pray about. I didn't do the guiac cards because I knew I had rectal bleeding so I didn't see the point in wasting my time on those cards, plus, my PCP said the mucus could be related to diet. A year goes by (because I'm a great patient) and I'm still having these issues. I bring it up to my PCP again, and this time I do the guiac cards. For those of you not in the medical field, guiac cards test your poop for blood, pretty simple. I MADE SURE there was blood on the poop that I put on those cards....the PCP's nurse called and said everything is normal....really? So I decided that I will just live with this issue and change my diet and hope for the best....that lasted about a week. This year I went to Dr. Kapu for my yearly. I told her about my issues. She said she didn't see any hemorrhoids and they might be internal and she would send me to Dr. Kendrick (Thank God!). I went to see Dr. Kendrick on Monday May 6th. He did a digital rectal exam (he stuck his finger in my butt) and did a proctoscope (like a mini colonoscopy). He let me get dressed then came back in........He told me I have tumor. I was set up for a colonoscopy for today and now here we are. I have rectal cancer. Yeah it sucks, but it is what it is. Please don't boo hoo for me cause feeling sorry for me does nothing but get on my nerves. I crave normalcy. This will be my blog to keep all yall updated. This is so surreal.