I've never been a good artist...

Ok. I think I'm ready to tell y'all what happened...

Ok, so after Chris took me to Anne's the night after the night at ER:

The three of us (Chris, Anne, and myself) decided I might be better off in rehab (no no no ;) ) where they could help me detox and I wouldn't hurt so bad. Chris had the answering service call shudde and Anne talked to him and he agreed. We drove to Acadia. I just want to mention that throughout this whole ordeal (from may 6th on) every time I was hurting I would close my eyes and count the seconds (sound familiar, Bella swan). So we get to Acadia and nobody can get my blood pressure, I wanted to shove that blood pressure cuff down someone's throat! Finally I talked to a counsler, then to the doctor and everything took FOREVER! Anne told me to get used to it because they don't of anything in your time but their time. That could not be closer to the truth! I finally get admitted and I slept for the first 2 and a half days. So rewind a little... for those of you who have never been there or toured the facility I will drawn a picture and post it so you can see what i'm talking about when I describe my location during this. Centrally located is the nursing station and forming a square around that is 4 "pods" and each pod has 2 bathrooms and 4 bedrooms (except B pod, they only have 1 bathroom because the other one has the washer and dryer, and yes, you had to do your own clothes, no sending home with family members to wash, and they also had the case workers office). Well, the only bed available for me was in D pod (which is also the lockdown pod, I think had I not started here I would not have been so freaked out but it is what it is). Well, I get in there and the first person I "meet" I have known all my life....that's right, a girl I used to play with as a child was in there...and she had been there for like a month. The second person I meet ends up being someone who helped me get through the day. Ok so girl I've know forever we will call TM and the other one we will call ET. So, i'm stuck in this damn pod and the only way out is by knocking on the door and hoping someone lets me out. The reason the pod was locked in the first place is because TM was fighting with people....yeah.....So, night three I cant sleep, probably because I slept so much the first 2 days but mostly because the bed is not comfy at all. So we are hanging out when one of the tech's asks ET if she would like to move and she said no, let Andrea move because my roommate is fine and Andrea's bed sucks. So I move to C pod...Freedom atlast...kinda. So (this is day 4 btw) and I get moved and my poor old roomy A (I don't know her last name) gets stuck with "Sex in the City", I kid you not, that's what we nicknamed her. She came in yelling at the people that brought her in "Bitch, get your hands off me, i'm a celebrity! I was on Sex in the City!", yeah, she's crazy. She came in wearing little bitty shorts and a crop top so they made her wear a hospital gown on top, then, she decided she wanted to wear A's chonies, so A came and asked me if I had extra and thanks to mr. Wilson I did. She also jumped on JT (an older man in a wheelchair) while he was in bed and started beating the crap out of him and he had to throw her off, and when they were having a smoke break went through everyone's room in D pod. By this point ET is regretting letting me move ;).  Then the next day we had gone to lunch and when we came back Sex in the City was wearing different clothes and I rmember thinking, "I don't rmember her calling her family for clothes" (it takes hours for them to get you your stuff (it took 8 hours for them to bring me my clothes)), and then I hear behind me "OH HELL NO!" Sex in the city had taking P's clothes. She had on P's bra, chonies, socks, shirt, pans, and shoes!! Once they got the clothes off sex in the city they offered them back to P but she said she just wanted her shoes back. Another time, she took a shower in B pod and came out naked. Then another time she tried to get into with me ( and yall need to understand that me in that place is a me that I didn't know existed. I had to not cry though I hurt constantly and missed my family and my freedom, I had to stay hard and strong, you have to play the game to make it through there!)  and that pissed off ET and JT so bad they had to leave groups before they slapped her, but that's ok, i'd of slapped her before she even had chance. She also got into with TA, and TA hadn't raised her voice the whole time we were there. In fact, she had pissed everyone off soooo much, we all went to group and when she walked in, we all left, and the counsler said in 7 years she has never seen that happen. What else happened? Oh, there was this girl there that was 18 so she had to be with the adults but she was VERY immature. She told people she had an 8 year old and that she was married. She couldn't keep her lies straight. Well, she decided to throw a fit, and it was the wrong day because they had been putting up with TM and sex in the city, they threw her happy ass in D pod! They gave her 3 ABT shots (Ativan, benedryl, thorazine, look it up) and she was still yelling and hitting windows! Then she passed out and we forgot about her for 2 days lol. It got to where for fun me and my "celly" J dragged chairs to the hallway to watch the action in D pod, lol, how sad. I stayed in that hell hole for a week. The first three days were great but after that I was ready to go. I signed myself in but I couldn't sign myself out because they could and would get a court order to keep you there longer, that's what happened TA and I asked the Dr. and he said yes, they would do that. That place scared me so much that when I got out I was scared someone from acadia would come to my house and tell me they made a mistake and drag my butt back. All in all it was a good expirence because it showed me how strong I am. I made it a week in hell with no family. I try not to think about what happened there or even being there. I decided to tell yall this because I want yall to know how strong and how weak I can be. Alright, I have laundry to do, see yall later.

Long time no see...

Where do I even begin? I went home from the hospital and I called my home health company of choice Hendrick Housecalls but they said that Dr. K specifically ordered Abilene Home Health. I thought I would give this a try. Well, first off the nurse that came out to see me is the owners son. I asked him about irrigation and he said he had never heard of anyone irrigating. What?! That  was the plan all along. He was kinda cocky and he mentioned this was his second job, his first job was construction. That made no sense me, I need to be your first job. The pain medicine that Dr. K gave me wasn't working and I got severely dehydrated because I wasn't taking care of myself. So after a week of hurting I finally called DR. K. I went to see him and he wanted me to get labs and a UA and he didn't give me any pain meds. By this point I had already cancelled the home health people because they weren't doing much. I had a sore on my bottom that Chris took real good care of and we knew how to change my bag. So that afternoon  a home health nurse (from Abilene Home Health) came out and she was awesome! If they had sent her to me the first time I would have never cancelled home health and might have had better things to say about that company. Anyways, she came over and took some labs and did a straight cath on me to see how much urine was staying my bladder, she also took a UA. My peepee was dark and there was only 30cc! What does that mean? A. I was severely dehydrated
B. My bladder was working fine, I wasn't holding on to extra urine.
So that evening I was in so much pain I thought I was gonna die! Anne brought over some stronger pain meds for me and a heating pad. Then the owner of Abilene home health showed up (Chris had called). I had a UTI  (no shit Sherlock), he brought me some antibiotics and I started to feel better. Well leave it to Walgreens to mess everything up. They were taking forever to fill my antibiotics, I started to hurt more, and I was almost out of pain meds. I started freaking out! I felt very anxious and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Chris called Dr. K and he told me to go to trauma. This is about 10am on Friday morning. I was supposed to have a CT scan of my bladder at noon but guess what, that didn't happen. At about 2pm they finally get me in a room, but it's with the fast track nurse (she is the trauma center nurse that takes care of uninsured people with colds). She looks at my chart and says "I don't want to be rude, and it's not that I don't want to take care of you but you need to be in a different area of trauma. I think you need more help than I can give." By this time not only can I not breathe but my chest is starting to hurt along with the rest of my body. So they move me to another area. About 5 I have a slue of visitors, family and hospital personnel. Finally Henry Robinson PA came to see me. He works trauma center and he is amazing! He ordered IV fluids and IV pain meds! He also realized that I had developed chest pain so he ordered a chest CT. Guess what, I had fluid around my heart. I say it like that because my mom and Chris always think I'm just having panic attacks but this time it was real. They did a sono of my heart and trauma and called Dr. Shudde. Yes Dr. Shudde, he may have missed my cancer but I think anyone would have. Nobody expects colon cancer in a 28-30 year old. So, they admit me to the hospital AGAIN. But it was worth it. Something about IV fluids just makes you feel better. Anyways. While I'm in the hospital they do an ECHO (a closer sono of around my heart) and I meet a cardiologist. He wants to biopsy the fluid around my heart. Ok so here is the tally so far: incisions on my stomach, incisions on my ass, an open wound on my butt, a UTI, sever pain and now he wants to biopsy the fluid around my heart! Thank Jesus the cardiologist said I had a few days to think about it. Dr. Shudde came to see me the next day and I expressed my concerns and he convinced the cardiologist to just let me wait and do another echo in three months. Whew! Dodged a bullet there. Oh by the way, I'm also supposed to get a sleep study because I have signs of sleep apnea, but that was pushed to the side too! So while I'm in the hospital I get my bladder CT everything looked fine but I had a seroma (a collection of fluid) near my bladder. Must be where all the pain is coming from. So what did Dr. K say about it.....Nothing! He was ready to send me home. At this point I am getting 2mg of Dilaudid every 2 hours, I need it every hour and a half but I cant have it that quickly. My Nurse that day was awesome! She stood up to Dr. K for me letting him know how bad I was hurting. So, Dr. K is a no go for pain meds. Dr. Shudde comes in and we get started on morphine pills which help a lot but they don't take the pain all the way away but it was more pain relief than I've had in awhile. I go home (Wednesday). So I'm taking 30mg of morphine 3 times a day and I can have 15mg in between. So this goes on for weeks.......Then I decide, I need to get off this medicine because my body is now addicted to it and I need to see how much I;m hurting without it. (I knew my body was addicted because I went 24 hours without the 15mg pill and I started having withdrawal symptoms.) So I go see Dr. Shudde, this is Thursday October 3rd. He puts me on a step down.. I went from 120mg of morphine a day to 45mg of morphine a day. The next day I was hurting! I begged Chris to take me to trauma but he wouldn't. Finally I called my mother in law Anne who knows about addiction first had and she took me to trauma. I got there about 2:30, they let me stay in the family room so I can lie down. I didn't get back to a room til 10:00. I seriously thought I was dying! A few years ago my cousin Rachel died in ICU and a bunch of her female family members were around her to watch her go, myself included. Well.....a bunch of my female family members decided to visit me in trauma, I thought "oh no, I'm going to meet my maker!" Finally they start some IV fluids and give me a pill to relax and IV Phenergan for nausea. I get about 2 hours of sleep. When I I wake up its time to take one of my morphine pills. The trauma center Dr. says its ok so Chris gives me one. About 15 minutes go and the nurse is discharging me (yes i'm clearly detoxing and people die detoxing but they are discharging me) and I start to freak out! I'm freaking out because she is discharging me and my medicine is messing with my mind and body. It takes all I have to keep my shit together while Chris is driving home, we get there and I pass out. Sophie is at Anne's and is Isreal is at my mom's. The next day I wake up and I'm ok for alittle while but then I start freaking out again. This Freaking out feeling feels like every cell in my body wants to explode, I feel like I need to run but my body says stop and stay still. It is the worse feeling in the world and I never want to feel that way ever again, it was horrible. Its a very confusing and painful thing to go through. So the plan for the day is to get to Anne's house so she can take care of me while I detox and the kids don't have to see me. We get that arranged and the kids don't see me and I get better. There is some stuff that happens between Anne's house and me being better that I'm not ready to talk about. I promise when I am ready to talk about it, I'll let you know. I'm better now. I'm on quite a bit of pills (all of them non-narcotic) to help with the pain I still have in my bottom. I'm seeing a therapist for  my body image issues I'm having from my bag. The kids are good, Chris is wonderful, and I'm feeling much better. I am on chemo again 2 weeks on, 1 week off x 4 times, I should be done around January 4. I went the other day to see a geneticists and my DNA lab results will be back in 2 months, and I'll let you know the results of that. I got to see my Daddy Onger which always makes a for a good day! I'm ok, and I'm gonna be ok. Someday I'll be great again but it's gonna take awhile. This whole journey has been an big serving of humble pie because about the time I got diagnosed I was getting very cocky. Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me along the way, you  know who you are. Let me see what else....oh I start work on Monday and it's October so GET YOUR MAMMOS Ladies! Over 40 yearly unless there is a history of breast cancer, the general rule is 10 years before the diagnosis of a parent. Alright kids, see you later!

Sorry it's taken me do long to update, I've been on pain meds and  if I'm not walking I'm sleeping.ok do far:

Friday: I started walking and was able to get a clear liquid diet. That's it for Friday.

Saturday: I started a full liquid diet and cream of wheat never tasted so good. He took away my pain pump :( and yesterday I still needed it but oh we'll.

Today: I've been passing gas a lot the last 2 days but its stopped right now, I haven't popped yet. The kids have come to see me but never stay long, they get bored. I started real food today, it was awesome. My only issues are: foley, it's still in and it hurts at times. My JP drains that attached to my butt, makes it hard up get comfy. But that's it. I'm not a good writer today cause  just giving y'all the basics cause I don't feel that great still. Alright, talk to y'all layer.

Surgery update

Ok so yesterday I arrived for surgery. We got here at 8:18 and I was called back pretty quick. First just Chris came with me, then my mom showed up later. My friend Melissa showed up too, you are only allowed 2 visitors in preop but since everyone in OR knows her they let her stay. Then there was my mom and dad, then Anne and Kaylee and my brother. They all kept me entertained through the paperwork, IV, lab work process. Then the CRNA gave me some versed before going into surgery and apparently I told Chris "what if the zombies come while I'm under and I wake up like to rick in walking dead" or something to that affect. I remember them wheeling me down the hallway and I said I can tell we are close because the temp just dropped 10 degrees, I remember the nurse giving me warm blankets and Dr Carter tell me take deep breaths of the gas. The next thing I remember is waking up hurting in post op and the male nurse giving me dilaudid and me pushing my pain pump. I remember going to my room and having them to pull me over (I'm not even sure scooting was in option lol but I remember saying I could do it but it probably wasn't a good idea). I remember telling my family to hush cause I was trying to sleep. I remember getting onto Zeke for not hushing it. I remember falling into deep sleeps and stopping breathing but making myself breath again so thru connected me to a pulse ox and lowered my pain pump dose. Not too long after that I started to finally become more lucid. I'm awake right now because my anesthesia has wore off so  I'm awake. I'm hurting too.  I'm ready for them to up my dose again. And that's about it. For me I feel like the worse part is over, the scariest part for me is over and it's time to start rebuilding. Apparently Dr Kendrick knows me well because he has already told all of my family and nursing staff to make sure I take it easy. I might get to sit in a chair today but I probably won't get to walk :(.  Anything the who, I'll  keep y'all posted. Pain meds starting to kick in....

So far Phoenix is in the lead. Most ostomates name their stomas. I'm naming mine so that if I'm in a procedure I can say "oh, I have go deal with...." And only my coworkers will know what I mean. Or if someone tries to feed me something unlike but can't eat I can be like "oh I love those but .... Doesn't"

So here's the latest: I'm on a clear liquid diet, dummy me ordered a sprite yesterday knowing my boeks were moving slow so I went to bed kind bloated but I'm feeling better now. Chris stayed with me the first night and Kaylee is asleep next to me now. At one point tonight my blood pressure was like 85/46 and so the nurse came in and checked it manually and I was 94/50 something, I was out of fluids so once they gave me more fluids it was better. Yesterday Kendrick said I can sit in the chair but only 3 times a day and only for 15 minutes. He said depending on how I do I might be able to walk today. Let me tell you, it's slot harder than it looks!!!! I have to keep telling myself if old people can do it I can do it! They are giving me some medicine that firms poop and once I can poop and pass gas through my stoma he'll let me eat. I will be here no less than 5 days. The foley will stay in for 5 days. Anyhow, that's the latest. I'll talk to y'all later.

Name game

In anticipation of my stoma's arrival tomorrow, I decided I would like to name her before she got here. Her are some of the names I like so far:

1. Bradley (after my doctor who has and will cause me pain but who has saved my life)

2. Scarlett (a healthy stoma should look bright red, plus I look great with bright red lipstick)

3. Phoenix (because I have risen from the ashes)

4. Fay (means fairy and I like fairies)

Those are my options. What do you think. Text me what name you like best or if you have any other suggestions 325-280-5558